How Adults Can Make and Keep New Friends

Making and keeping friends as an adult can be a challenging endeavor, but it is far from impossible. The journey towards cultivating meaningful friendships in adulthood is often guided by psychological principles that can be applied practically in our daily lives. Understanding and implementing these principles can significantly enhance our ability to connect with others on a deeper level.

One of the fundamental principles that govern the formation of friendships is proximity. Proximity refers to the physical or psychological closeness between individuals. Throughout our lives, we have observed that friendships often start with those who are physically near us, such as neighbors, colleagues, or members of a shared community. This principle highlights the importance of being present in environments where potential friends might be found. Whether it's joining a local club, attending community events, or simply being more social at work, proximity plays a crucial role in initiating friendships.

Similarity is another key factor in the development of friendships. People tend to befriend those who share similar interests, values, or backgrounds. This principle suggests that to find friends, we need to be clear about what we seek in a friendship and then seek out contexts where we can find individuals who match those criteria. Whether it's through shared hobbies, professional interests, or common life experiences, finding similarity can lay the groundwork for a strong and lasting friendship.

Repetition is the third principle that can facilitate the formation of friendships. Repetition involves the repeated exposure to the same person or group, which can lead to familiarity and comfort. By showing up consistently in the same places and participating in the same activities, we increase the likelihood of forming connections with others. This principle underscores the importance of persistence and consistency in our social interactions.

However, making friends is only half the battle; keeping them requires effort and understanding. De-contextualising the friendship is a crucial step in this process. This means moving the friendship beyond the initial context in which it was formed, such as a workplace or a hobby group, and nurturing it in various settings. This can involve inviting friends to social events outside of the usual context, sharing personal experiences, and supporting each other through various life challenges.

Moreover, considering the values and qualities we bring as friends ourselves is essential. Being a good friend involves empathy, trustworthiness, and the ability to communicate effectively. By reflecting on our own behaviors and attitudes, we can ensure that we are contributing positively to our friendships. This self-awareness not only helps in maintaining existing friendships but also in attracting new friends who value similar qualities.

In conclusion, while the task of making and keeping friends as an adult may seem daunting, it is achievable by applying psychological principles such as proximity, similarity, and repetition. By being proactive in our social interactions, seeking out similar individuals, and consistently showing up, we can create opportunities for friendship. Furthermore, by de-contextualising friendships and reflecting on our own qualities as friends, we can ensure that these connections are not only formed but also sustained over time. Embracing these strategies can lead to a fulfilling social life and a network of supportive friends.