5 Words Not to Say to a Struggling Adult Child

When an adult child is struggling, it's natural for parents to feel a mix of concern, frustration, and helplessness. However, the words chosen during these conversations can significantly impact the child's well-being and the relationship between parent and child. Here are five phrases that, while often well-intentioned, can do more harm than good.

1. **'Just Get Over It'**

This phrase minimizes the child's feelings and struggles, implying that their challenges are insignificant and easily surmountable. Struggles, especially those related to mental health or career setbacks, are rarely 'just' anything. They require understanding, support, and often professional help. Telling an adult child to 'just get over it' can make them feel invalidated and alone.

2. **'Why Can’t You Be More Like...?'**

Comparing a struggling adult child to others, whether siblings or friends, can be deeply hurtful. It implies that their efforts and journey are inadequate, which can lead to feelings of failure and low self-esteem. Each person's path is unique, and focusing on individuality rather than comparison fosters growth and self-acceptance.

3. **'I Know How You Feel'**

While it's important to empathize, claiming to know exactly how someone feels can be dismissive. No two people experience the same situation in exactly the same way. A better approach is to acknowledge their feelings without claiming to fully understand them. Saying something like, 'It sounds really tough, and I’m here to support you however I can,' shows empathy without overstepping.

4. **'You’re Just Giving Up Too Easily'**

Criticizing an adult child for perceived lack of persistence can be discouraging, especially if they’re already feeling defeated. Instead of judging, ask questions to understand their perspective and offer encouragement. Encouraging them to seek advice or additional resources can be more constructive than accusing them of quitting.

5. **'Everything Will Be Fine'**

This phrase can feel like a platitude, offering false hope. Struggles are complex, and progress is often slow and uncertain. A more supportive approach is to acknowledge the difficulties and discuss strategies for moving forward together. This shows that you’re willing to face challenges alongside them, rather than pretending they don’t exist.

**The Importance of Empathy and Sensitivity**

Communicating with a struggling adult child requires a delicate balance of empathy, sensitivity, and practical support. It’s about listening more than speaking, validating feelings, and offering guidance without imposing solutions. When parents approach their child’s struggles with these principles, they foster an environment of trust and mutual respect, which is crucial for both the child’s well-being and the strength of their relationship.

**Conclusion**

The way we speak to our adult children during their times of struggle can either deepen or damage our relationships with them. By avoiding phrases that invalidate or criticize, and instead choosing words that express empathy and support, parents can help their children navigate challenges with resilience and confidence. Remember, the goal is not to fix their problems but to be a steady, compassionate presence in their lives.